Feeling good

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since my c-section and I'm feeling great.  My incision has pretty much healed and the numb spots on my stomach aren't bothering me as much.  I'm wearing my pre pregnancy clothes and last time I weighed myself (a week or so ago) I was 4 lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight.  Funny story, the first time I weighed myself after coming home from the hospital it said that I had GAINED 7 lbs.  I had just delivered an 11 lb baby, how is that even possible?  LOL!  I guess it was just from all the IV fluids they pump into you before and after the c-section.  I was really worried this time that I wouldn't be able to loose the weight since I'm not breastfeeding and I gained a little more than I did with my own pregnancies (20 lbs vs 15 and 12 with my kids) but it has just came off like before without me doing anything and I am SO glad.  Of course my husband always says I look great but it always feels good to hear it from someone else.  Today I had two other people compliment me.  They said I didn't look like I'd just had a baby and I looked very slender :)  I can't wait to get back in the gym and loose some weight.  I want to be under 200 lbs this summer, that is my goal.  I haven't been under 200 in almost 10 years!

  Why yes, I did recently deliver an 11 lb baby :)

Baby Nathaniel is doing good.  I talked to "I" last week and Nathaniel had been giving them a hard time and had been especially fussy and hard to get to sleep at night.  They took him to the doctor and ended up changing his formula and putting him on gas drops and he's been doing much better.  It's hard to believe he's almost a month old already.

Alyssa only has 3 weeks of school left and I can't wait.  I am SO not a morning person and I love the summer.  The summer is when we really get to do stuff as a family and the kids get to experience so much new stuff.  I love taking them to new places.  We recently got them a small pool and they LOVE it.  They drive me nuts every single day begging to get in the pool, rain or shine, day or night, it doesn't matter to them.  We also got season passes to the zoo and I can't wait to take them.  And we are planning on taking a trip to Florida this summer.  Alyssa has been begging me to take her to Florida for at least 6 months now.  She wants to go to the beach an go visit her friend, Aubrey, who moved to Florida and go visit "I and A" and baby Nathaniel :)

Alyssa (left) and Zoe (right) waiting on the pool to fill up.  They were pointing at the clouds and talking about what they look like :)

This is how a 4 year old writes lady bug and caterpillar...LOL!

Alyssa got a soccer trophy!

The coach made paper plate trophies for all the kids with different things on them for each kid.  Alyssa's was "Major D" for defender b/c of how she would run up and block the goal trying to keep the other team from scoring.

Her coach and teammates

Zoe in her new bathing suit ready to get in the pool :)

Baby is Here!!!

Well, it's official, I am a surrogate.  Even when I was pregnant it never felt official, it felt more like a goal.  Now that the baby is here I can actually say that I AM a surrogate :)  Or should I say I WAS a surrogate?  Now I'm confusing myself :o/

Ok, let me start at the beginning and see if I can remember all that happened.  It went by so fast it's kind of a blur.  At my 36 or 37 week appointment I had an ultrasound done to check the size of the baby b/c I was measuring big and he was already measuring 9 lbs!  I was shocked, as were the IFs, but I know the ultrasound measurements can be off, especially this late in the pregnancy, so I just kinda blew it off and didn't believe it. 

About 2 weeks went by then I had another ultrasound done at 39 weeks to check his size again and this time he was measuring 10 lbs 4 oz!  We were all shocked, again.  This time it was a bit harder to just blow off but I was still pretty certain that it was at least a pound off and I would be fine to do a vaginal birth (my last baby was 9 lbs 3 oz).  Some of the doctors were REALLY pushing for me to have a c-section but I was totally against it.  I asked them about inducing early and they absolutely refused which really made me mad.  It makes absolutely NO sense why they are ready and willing to cut me open at 39 weeks and take the baby out b/c of his size but refuse to induce me b/c of size.  I still don't understand it, especially since I was induced with my last baby b/c of her size (same doctors office and everything).

Anyways, we ended up going back and forth about it between me not wanting to do it to the OB pushing me to do it and scaring the IFs with all the horror stories about what could happen when trying to deliver a big baby then the IFs pushing me to do it and I ended up scheduling the dreaded c-section for the next day when I would be exactly 39 weeks.  It wasn't what I wanted but I also know that this isn't my baby and I didn't like the thought of something possibly happening to him during the birth and me being responsible.  We've worked too hard and come too far to let something happen to him now and I would never have been able to live with myself if something had happened.  Plus I think it was probably for the best, considering how big he ended up being.

So, my IFs were already on their way and decided to go to the pre-op appointment with me.  We just signed some paperwork and she let us know what to expect and answered some questions we had then we all (me, "I", "A", I's mom, my MIL and SIL and my 2 girls) went out to eat for dinner.  The c-section was scheduled for 10:30 the next morning.  We got up and my wonderful hubby took Alyssa to school as usual and brought me back a CFA biscuit for breakfast totally forgetting that I wasn't allowed to eat...LOL.  Oh well, it's the thought that counts :)  We finished getting ready and took my youngest daughter to my MIL's house then me, hubby and my mom went up to the hospital. 

Once we got there and got signed in and everything they took me back to the recovery room to get ready for the surgery.  They hooked me up to the monitors and an IV and pumped me full of fluids.  Then they put these lovely giant sock things on my legs that went all the way up to my thigh and had the toes cut out.  I'm guessing so they could make sure my toes weren't turning blue b/c those things are so tight.  We were in there for a while and had to sign more paperwork and do god knows what else.  Then we walked down to the OR and I sat up on the table to get my epidural.  I love epidurals but I hate having them put in.  It's such a scary thing to put so much faith in someone you don't know and hope to god he knows what he's doing.  Plus I hate hearing/feeling the epidural needle scrape against my spine.  Gives me chills just thinking about it.

Once the epidural was in they had me lay down on the table and things got scary for a minute.  My blood pressure dropped to about 50/75 and I almost blacked out but as soon as I told them they started pushing meds into my IV and I started to feel better at least for a second.  After I came back from that I started getting really nauseous (which I told them and they quickly started pushing more meds into my IV) and started throwing up.  The meds started working pretty quickly and I was feeling better and they brought my husband in who forgot the camera :(  Thank god for cell phones!  Once they got started they brought "I and A" in.  I was shocked they actually let both the guys in the OR.  They usually only let once person in the OR with you so they made a major exception for us which I was very thankful for.

Before the c-section I (jokingly) told my husband that if this baby came out weighing less than 10 lbs I was gonna kick "I and A's" butt! Then when I was lying on the table right before the surgery the OB (same OB who told us the day before that this was probably going to be a 10.5 lb baby) was feeling the baby in my abdomen and said, "I don't know, we might have a 9.5 lb baby in here." I was like WHAT?!?! You better be glad I've already had my epidural and can't get up right now lady!

Baby Nathaniel was born on April 13th (yes, Friday the 13th), exactly a week before my due date.  He was 11 lbs 4 oz and I think he was 21.5 inches long.  BIG baby!  As soon as they pulled him out I immediately felt better.  It was like a huge weight was lifted and I could breathe again and was more comfortable.  After that "I and A" went down to the nursery with the baby while they stitched me up and took me to recovery. 

What I wish I'd known about c-sections:

1.  That they leave the epidural in for 24 hours.  I thought they would take that out after the surgery and I would be up and walking around later that day.
2.  How much I would miss that epidural once it wore off b/c the Rx wasn't helping with the pain.
3.  How hard it would be to get out of bed for the first time (especially when your legs are still half dead from the epidural)
4.  That it's not just the incision that's gonna be sore.  My stomach muscles, all the way around the sides too, felt like they had been pulverized.
5.  How extremely painful the gas pain is after surgery and that you can have gas pain in your shoulders.
6.  That the surgery was going to cause really big numb spots in my lower abdomen.
7.  Apron.  Need I say more :[

When I was in recovery they let a couple of family members come back and see me a few at a time.  My stomach looked and felt really weird.  It was completely sunken in like they had taken out a few organs and forgotten to put them back.

I don't remember much else about what happened that day.  It's pretty much a blur.  They took me down to my room and I know a lot of people were coming in and out and the guys came to visit and brought the baby to me but that's about all I remember.  Tommy stayed with me that night and Zoe stayed with his mom and Alyssa stayed with my mom.

The next day, Saturday, Zoe had a soccer "game" so Tommy left early that morning to go watch her play.  That afternoon they took the epidural out and I was in a lot of pain.  Then I had to get out of bed for the first time and walk to the bathroom and my blood pressure dropped again and I almost passed out.  That was pretty much how my whole day went.  People came and went and I was very sore and just trying to heal and not pass out when I got up.  The first time I got up and walked down the hallway it felt like I had just ran a marathon.  I managed to walk halfway down to "I and A's" room that evening and Tommy pushed me the rest of the way so I could go for a visit.  "I's" mom was there and "A's" mom and dad were there.  They were all very happy to see me and kept thanking me and giving me lots of hugs.

On Sunday the baby and I were allowed to go home.  It was a very bittersweet goodbye.  I was SOOO ready to go home and get out of the hospital and get back to my own life.  "I and A" are great daddies.  Very attentive to him and even though they've got this huge baby you would think they had a tiny little preemie the way they acted.  Everything the did they did so carefully like they were afraid they were going to break him.  It was hilarious!  I can't wait to watch him grow and watch them grow into their roles as dads.

Since the birth everyone always wants to know how I'm doing emotionally.  A lot of my friends and family told me from the beginning that it was going to be hard to give up the baby.  I always told them it wouldn't be b/c I truly don't want any more kids right now.  I'm doing this with the sole purpose of helping someone else have a baby and knew going into this that the baby isn't genetically mine or my husbands.  Why would I want to keep someone elses baby?  If I wanted a baby I would have one of my own, the easy way.  In the back of my mind though I was prepared for the worst.  I even warned the guys to expect me to be all hormonal and emotional (just in case).  I had heard about all the emotions you go through after surrogacy from a lot of other surrogates.  Plus I know how crazy your hormones can get after pregnancy.

I know it probably sounds terrible but, I can honestly say I felt no connection to the baby after he was born.  It was more like how I feel towards any of my friends kids.  I never got upset about any of it and taking care of a baby was the LAST thing I wanted to do after that c-section.


Now, everyone's favorite part.  PICTURES!!!


                                                                           34 weeks

36 weeks

38 weeks

night before the c-section

                                                        all hooked up and ready to go

a very happy family, goal accomplished :D

back home

30 Weeks!

I know, I haven't posted in forever.  Not much to write about in the middle of the pregnancy but you know what they say, "A boring pregnancy is a good pregnancy." 

Nothing much going on around here.  Baby is moving around a lot and gets the hiccups all the time (speaking of which, there he goes again...lol).  He gets really active around 10:30 or 11 every night for about an hour.  I love feeling him kick and squirm and watching my stomach move.  I've been trying to get a good video of it for the guys but this kid is very stubborn, or camera shy one.  Every time I grab my phone or tell someone to look or put their hand on my stomach he stops.  It's very annoying.

My kids are doing great.  Alyssa's first school year will be over before we know it.  Zoe has been a handful as usual.  She is at that stage where she wants to do everything herself and gets mad if I try to help her.  And her new favorite word is "Why?"  She asks why about everything.  This is a typical conversation we've been having...
Me:  Zoe you're about to get in trouble!
Zoe:  Why?
Me:  Because you're not listening.
Zoe:  Why?
Me:  I don't know why you're not listening, why don't you tell me!

Zoe also keeps telling me that she's got a baby in her belly.  She started doing it when we were in a restaurant the other day.  She pulls her shirt all the way up and sticks her belly way out and says, "The baby's trying to come out!"  And of course she has to say it really loud and do it over and over again.  I got them both signed up for the spring soccer season.  It will be interesting to see how Zoe (2.5 years old) does.  Hopefully it will help run some energy out of her.  I would love to sign her up for a tumbling class too since her soccer "games" are only on Saturdays.  We'll see.

We recently adopted a dog, or she adopted us.  Apparently someone dropped her off up the street and she wandered up about 3 weeks ago now and immediately took to Zoe.  After 5 minutes of Zoe running around the yard playing with her she says, "You know what the dog's name is?  It's Pepper."  I have no idea where she came up with that but, whatever.  She has been a great dog.  We really couldn't have asked for a better dog to adopt.  She's excellent with the kids and very calm and gentle with them.  She listens VERY well and she doesn't use the bathroom in the house.  She walks on the leash really good too.  Both of the kids can walk her with no problems.  I don't have to worry about her dragging them down the road.  After we'd had her for a couple of days me and the kids took her to the park and Zoe was walking her around.  Well, we found out real quick that she likes to chase squirrels.  She took off full speed after a squirrel and I hollered at her and told her to stop and she stopped dead in her tracks and turned around and came back to us.  I was shocked, I just knew Zoe was about to be lying face first on the ground.  She's a german shepard mix but she's not very big.  Only about 40lbs and the vet said she's probably about a year and a half old.  She is the perfect size for these kids.  Not too small so that I have to worry about the kids trying to carry her around and not too big so that I have to worry about her hurting them or taking up too much room in our small house.  The kids are loving having a dog.  Zoe likes to get into the dog food and play in the dogs water.  I went in the kitchen one day and she had thrown all the dogs food all over the kitchen floor.  And twice already she has gotten her play mop and dipped it in the dogs water and "mopped" the kitchen floor with it.  Aren't kids fun.

Tommy and I joined the gym.  My legs were so sore after the first day.  It's nice being able to get out of the house for a little while but last time Zoe got really upset in the little daycare.  I was really wanting to do some Zumba but it's harder than those girls make it look (or I'm just really uncoordinated).  They are way too bouncy for me right now too.  I'm not feeling very bouncy these days.  I think I need to practice the Zumba on my own a little more before trying another one of those classes. 

It's so funny to hear how people react when they find out the baby I'm carrying isn't mine.  One of the girls at the gym asked me how far along I was and I told her and she told me congrats and I said, "It's not mine but thank you."  All she said was "Oh."  And that was the end of that conversation...LOL!  I don't know if she was confused or what but she never said anything else.

Ok, time for pictures :)  These are from the 20 week u/s when "I and A" were here.

this is 24 weeks

this is 27 weeks

this is 28.5 weeks 

30 week belly

Doesn't look like it has changed too much in the past month or so.  Some days it looks more round than others, just depends on how he's sitting.  He seems to like to sit lower than my girls did and I think it makes my stomach poke out a bit more.

The guys have decided to drive up a couple of days before my due date instead of waiting on me to go in labor and trying to jump on a plane.  They are going to drive home too.  The pediatricians they talked to advised them against flying with a newborn.  I'm glad, that just means I'll get to see them more.  I want to take them up to Stone Mountain when they come up.  When I said something to them about it they said, "Are you sure you can do that at 9 months pregnant?"  LOL!  I told them absolutely and assured them that I wasn't planning on CLIMBING the mountain.  Then of course at my next OB visit they had to ask the OB if it was ok for me to go up there then and do that and of course she said yes, absolutely!  And they had to ask her about me joining the gym.  Guys are so funny.  They just have no clue.  I wish they would just trust me more and try to relax a little.  I know my body and I know what I'm doing.  It's not like this is my first pregnancy.  I GOT THIS!!!

Happiness :)

I'm 21 weeks now and had a great weekend with my IFs.  They flew in on Friday and met me at the OBs.  The guys went straight for the belly when they saw me.  It was so funny and really cute.  I wish I was farther along so they could feel him kick or something but I'm secretly hoping they will come visit one more time before the birth ;)  We did the big 20 week u/s and everything with the baby looked great.  It's definitely a boy and he's measuring right on track.  I also found out that the placenta is on the front of my uterus towards the top which is why I've only been feeling movement down low.  She said that once the baby gets bigger that will change and I'll be able to feel movement all over.  YAY!!! 

After the OB appointment we went over to the hospital to do the hospital tour.  That went great.  The guys really liked the hospital and they said they had had other surrogates deliver with them and some with gay couples too so it's not anything that's foreign to them.  I think that made the guys feel better too. 

Then we went to dinner with them at this really nice restaurant on the water.  Tommy and I had never been there before but we'd heard it was good, what we hadn't heard was how expensive it is.  If I had known it was going to be so expensive I never would have suggested we go there.  It wouldn't have bothered me if we had paid for our own food but they always insist on paying.  Anyways, dinner was delicious and I gave the guys an early Christmas present.  I had an ornament made for them and they loved it.  And I showed them a picture of the one I had made for me too and they thought it was really cute.

Then Saturday we all went to the Ga Aquarium and had a great time.  Zoe did pretty good.  There was no screaming or crying so that's always a good thing.  When the kids first met "I and A" when we got to the aquarium Alyssa was being kinda shy (Zoe's never shy) but it didn't take her long to warm up to them and she latched onto "I" the rest of the day and I got lots of pictures of them together.  They were really good with the kids and it was nice to see how quickly they warmed up to "I and A".  Before we got halfway through the aquarium you would think they had always been part of the family.  We all had a really nice time and they didn't have any problem lending an extra hand and would jump right in there and chase Zoe down if she ran off.  They are going to be great dads :)

After the aquarium we met a bunch of our family for dinner at a buffet/hibachi restaurant.  My mom and dad came, my aunt and uncle, my brother and his girlfriend, my best friend and her husband and Tommy's mom and aunt.  Everyone really liked the guys and thought they were really super sweet.  It went really well and everyone talked and got along.  I couldn't have asked for more, it went really well.  When Tommy's aunt was hugging me and telling me bye she told me how proud of me she is and started to tear up.  It was super sweet, she is a really nice lady.  She has been so excited and happy about the surrogacy since the beginning.  Even my mom is finally coming around.  She really likes the guys and bought them a little gift and card and gave it to them at dinner.  It was really sweet and it really makes me feel better seeing her come around as much as she has and really accept them. 

21 week belly :)

This is the ornament I had made for them.  I put one of the u/s pictures in it for them too :)

This is the ornament I had made for my tree :)

All of us at the Ga Aquarium ("A" is on the far right and "I" is next to him, holding Alyssa).  After seeing this picture I'm wishing I had worn the shirt I had on in my 21 week belly picture.  More flattering I think.  I'm not a big fan of shirts that float away from the belly at the bottom (especially during pregnancy) but hubby said it looked good so I wore it.  Men, what do they know?

Happy

Well, I'm sick.  I feel like crap and I just want to stay in bed all day.  My head hurts, my nose is all stuffed up and runny and I can feel the pressure in my sinuses and my ears.  Hopefully it will go away soon.

I am also 19 weeks along now and for the past few days the baby has been moving around like crazy.  There were a few days last week where I got really worried b/c I didn't feel him move but he has definitely made up for it.  He started moving again when I was out black Friday shopping Thursday night.  He's learned a new game, playing soccer with my bladder, and he seems to be enjoying it. 

No matter how sick I feel, feeling the baby kick always puts a smile on my face.  I don't care how many pregnancies I have, that will always be my favorite part and it never gets old.  I feel so blessed to be able to carry this baby for "I and A".  I love seeing all the cute clothes and stuff they pick out and hearing about how many family members are looking forward to this baby.  This baby is already loved by so many people and I can't wait to see what great parents "I and A" are going to be.

11 days and counting until "I and A" arrive for the 20 week u/s.  I can't wait for everyone to get to meet them.  I'm sure everyone is going to love them as much as we do, what's not to love.  I just hope my kids don't make them change their minds about having kids when we all go to the Ga Aquarium together :)  We haven't been to the Ga Aquarium since Zoe was a baby, and for good reason.  Hopefully she will behave herself.

18 weeks

I'm 18 weeks along now and feeling great.  Not much new going on here.  I've been having a lot of headaches this week but nothing I can't handle.  I can't wait till the guys come up in Dec.  I went to a Pampered Chef party at my aunt's house yesterday.  I really enjoyed it.  There were a lot of family members there that I normally only see once a year and only one or two of them knew about the surrogacy.  My aunt is very happy about the surrogacy and can't wait to meet the guys when they come up in December so of course she was asking how I was doing and how everything is going and before long everyone knew about the surrogacy.  It went really well.  As a surrogate you always wonder how people will react but everyone was really happy about it and no one had anything negative to say so that was good.  Everyone said I looked great (which is always good to hear).  So, here is a 18 week belly picture.  It's not great but here it is anyways :)

In other news...

There is a fellow surrogate I'm really worried about.  I've been thinking about her all day.  She is 18 weeks, just like me, and she got admitted to the hospital last night b/c she was leaking amniotic fluid, there is a tear in the sac.  They did an u/s and the baby had a good heartbeat but the fluid was low.  This is an update she posted earlier...

 I have a tear in my sack. The baby has a lot of water still around her. The doctor said its considered a miscarriage and began prep for an immediate C-Section. I refused (which pissed off the dr) who then began to tell me all the awful things that can happen with low water. I got the IF on chat and we discussed it. He supported me completely. Contractions set in..hard ones. I was crying and begging for them to stop. They gave me meds to stop them and morphine for pain. I got 6 bags of IV fluids in just a few hours and things started to slow down. I was sent home to do "what you feel safe doing" and ordered to return if more fluids come out or my contractions start again. I have to manage to keep her in for the next 6 weeks until I hit 24 weeks for her to even have a chance. I'm scared and I feel like I failure (i know..its not my fault). My IF's are amazing and just keep telling me how much they love me and lucky they and Elle are to have me. I refuse to give up on this baby. I love her.

I can't believe they just sent her home and wouldn't keep her or try anything else but she is going to see a different doctor tomorrow so hopefully they will try to do something and not just send her home again to basicly await the inevitable.  Personally I'm hoping that with the right doctor and lots of bed rest and fluids the tear will heal itself and the fluid level will go up again and the baby will be fine.  I'm sure whatever happens it's going to be a long hard journey.  Noone ever wants to be on bed rest, especially for as long as she would have to be.  I just wish her the best of luck and hope that baby hangs on, for everyone's sake.

Blessed!!!

I am feeling amazingly blessed and lucky right now to have the wonderful IFs that I have.  I had a pretty rough day yesterday.  My 2 year old was driving me insane.  She woke up about an hour early yesterday morning saying she was hungry so I went ahead and got up a little early and fixed them breakfast and took Alyssa to school.  Zoe was so tired she fell asleep on our way home from taking Alyssa to school.  I woke her up b/c it wasn't time for her nap and we had to finnish getting ready b/c I needed to go run some errands.  We went up town to the tag office and to pay the water bill and I put Zoe in the stroller b/c I had to park down the street and I didn't want her running off or running around the building while I was trying to pay or waiting in line.  She was fine on the walk up to both stores but once inside she started crying and screaming and pitching a fit.  It was horrible and there wasn't anything I could do to get her to stop.  Zoe is one of those kids you DO NOT want to be around when she's tired (or in the same store with).  Of course people are all staring, which I could care less about.  This one lady that walked in the tag office after us was particularly annoying with her staring.  She wouldn't quit!  She looked like she was in her 40s and very heavy set and she was wearing a belly shirt!  Anyways, after that fiasco I decided to cut my errands short and went home to lay Zoe down for a nap.  She fell asleep about half way home and I took her in the house to lay her down and she woke up wanting me to rock her.  So I rocked her then put her to bed and a few minutes later she got up and came out of her room.  So I put her to bed again and a little while later she got up and came out again saying she was hungry.  So I fed her then put her down again and a few minutes later she got up again.  I finally ended up spanking her and putting her back to bed and after that she finally stayed in bed and took a nap.  After her nap we had to pick Alyssa up from school and go to wal-mart so I would try to finnish getting some of the stuff I was needing to get earlier.  The whole time Zoe wasn't listening and wasn't staying with me and she was getting into everything and driving me insane so I put her in the buggy seat.  We had a McDonalds cup with sprite that I had put in the back of the buggy and she reached back there and grabbed it by the lid and tried to pick it up and she dumped it out everywhere.  All over the floor and half the stuff in the buggy.  That was it.  I couldn't take any more.  I had reached my limit for the day.  I got the kids and my purse and left.  Just left the buggy and everything right where it was and went home.

I was talking to "I and A" today and telling them I had a bad day yesterday and they called the lady at GG and told her they wanted to offer to pay for child care.  So if I need to go run errands or just need some me time that they will pay for a baby sitter or daycare.  I couldn't believe it.  I was so overwhelmed that they would do that.  It's just above and beyond and I appreciate it so much that they would offer.  Now, onto my next problem.  I've NEVER left my kids with anyone besides my mom or my MIL.  I'm not real big on day cares.  I went to daycare as a kid, I would just prefer not to leave my kids there if I can keep from it.  I'm sure I will figure out something b/c it would definitely help my sanity to be able to get a break on days like yesterday when the kids are super fussy and I've got stuff I need to do.  I just can't thank them enough.  They are amazing and I couldn't have asked for a better match.