The Talk

So I talked to A tonight.  He wrote me a very long and very nice letter and I found out what was going on.  Turns out he is having second thoughts about having kids.  For a long time growing up he never thought he wanted kids.  But last year he made a conscious effort to work through those feelings.  His thought was that S wanted to have kids and he wanted to be with S so he should try to change his attitude about all this.  And it was working, he started to really think he wanted to have kids and started imagining their life together with kids.  He just kept telling himself to take the next step - to meet with GG, to meet with me, to sign the next document, to write the next check.  His plan was to just move forward, one step at a time, and one day find himself an expectant father.  And then a father.  In retrospect, it was ridiculous of him to think that would work.  And he finally realized that he may be doing this giant life-changing thing for everyone but himself.  Maybe he will want this some day - maybe even some day soon - but he doesn't want to go into it unless he knows for sure.  I am completely 100% behind him and have no hard feelings.  They are great guys and I don't regret one minute of the past few months.  I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  I just hate that I never got to meet their wonderful family.

Devastated :(

I got word today from my coordinator that the guys won't be able to move forward.  I don't know what happened and I am very disappointed to have to start over this far into the process.  We were supposed to transfer 4 weeks from today.  I don't know...I don't even know what to say.  I am glad it happened now instead of later into the process or after I was pregnant.  The guys are great and I hate that I won't be able to work with them anymore but I don't have any hard feelings towards them.  They have to do what is right for them and I'm sure they have their reasons for not moving forward.  Hopefully I will get to talk to them soon and find out what happened.

Going Good

Well, today is day 2 on the lupron and so far so good.  No side effects or anything yet and the shots aren't bad either.  The first time I did the shot it didn't go in as easily as I expected it to.  I guess I kind of expected it to go in like a knife in butter but you do kind of have to push to break through the skin.  After that it's a breeze.  Starting the lupron got pushed back a day as well as taking my last birth control pill.  Hopefully that doesn't mean that the transfer date has been pushed back.  I guess we'll see.

Instructions!

I got my instructions last night for all the meds I got the other day.  I was supposed to start today on the Lupron but since the hospital I went to today to have my bloodwork and U/S done weren't able to get the results back today we will have to wait until tomorrow to get the results and start everything.  They said that it is fine and that it shouldn't mess up the schedule or anything.  I guess I will just have one less day of the Lupron. 

I can't wait until I can actually see my regular obgyn.  I have to go to the Emory Reproductive Center in Atlanta to have my bloodwork and U/S done and it's a really nice hospital.  It's huge, like 20 floors i think, and they have valet parking.  It took forever to get my appointment scheduled then when I got there they didn't know what was going on and I ended up having to call GG and get them to call up there and talk to someone.  Hopefully my next 3 appointments are my last with them and hopefully it goes smoother next time.  I really don't like driving in Atlanta either.  It's just too much traffic and I get turned around easy b/c I don't really know my way around up there (thank god for GPS!).  And there are too many one way streets that I seem to like to turn the wrong way down. :o/

In case you were wondering this is what my instructions are for the meds so far...

Lupron start 11/24/10 inject 10 units a day

11/27/10 take last active pill and expect a period

12/02/10 start Estrogen support

• Estradiol Valerate:  0.1 cc every 3 days for 2 doses then increase to 0.2 cc every 3 days
• Estrace 2mg tablets:  1 tablet 2x a day then increase to 3x a day on 7th dose
• Prenatal vitamins:  1 pill 3x a day
• Baby Asprin, DHA and Folate:  1 pill a day
• Decrease Lupron:  5 units daily

12/17/10 Start Progesterone support

• Day 1:  Insert 1 Progesterone vaginal capsule at bedtime
• Day 2:  Insert Progesterone vaginal capsules 3x a day and continue daily
• Day 2:  Progesterone in oil - inject 1 cc daily
• Day 2:  Start Medrol dose pack and take as directed on package
• There is also a Progesterone lozenge but my papers don't mention it...maybe they just missed it.  It is the strangest thing.  It looks like a little square and it smells like grape and it says to take it sublingually.

Embryo Transfer 12/20/10

It is just so much stuff to remember.  I am worried that I am going to mess up or do something wrong.  I am going to have to make myself a detailed list of what I am supposed to take each day.  Here comes the FUN!

Meds

Ok so I got my shipment of meds today and OMG are you kidding me?!?  I have to take ALL of this?!?  I BETTER get pregnant on the first try after taking all of this b/c I sure don't want to have to start all over again with this stuff.  I knew about the shots and was expecting that and maybe some prenatal vitamins but this is ridiculous!  I am ok with the shots but just looking at all those pills makes me seriously nauseous.  I am not good at taking pills but atleast there aren't any huge horse pills.  I wish they could just melt them all down and put them all in shot form.  They didn't even send me any instructions or anything.  Am I just supposed to start taking all of this at the same time or what?  I guess I will have a lot of questions for the doctor tomorrow. 

DATES

Well, we've finally got our first set of tentative dates...YAY!!!  Of course it is subject to change, I am just happy to finally have something to shoot for instead of being kind of in the dark with an, "it looks like it's going to be a mid December transfer".  I am just kind of worried that if anything happens and the calendar gets pushed back with it being so close to the holidays that we may have to delay until after the holidays.  And of course that would mean more waiting.  Either way I am so happy to finally have some dates and more than ready to get started.

11/23/10 US/E2 (Ultrasound and estrogen level) Lupron Start

11/27/10 Take last ACTIVE birth control pill and expect a period

12/02/10-US/E2-If OK, start Estrogen

12/08/10 US/E2-Lining check

12/15/10 US/E2-Lining  check-

12/17/10  Poss.  Retrieval    Possible Progesterone Start

12/20/10 Possible Embryo Transfer- Day-3

In other news....I had my 2nd surrogate conference the other day and learned an interesting fact I didn't know.  Apparently after they do the transfer they tilt the end of the bed up in the air and you have to lay there like that for like 30 minutes.  I knew about having to lay there after the transfer but I didn't know they tilt the bed.  Interesting.

Another Step Closer

Well, things are moving along.  The egg donor finally got to do the first of her screenings and should be getting the results back from that within 7 - 10 days.  I think if everything is ok with that screening she has to go in again for some other screening also.  And as it turns out our cycles are already pretty much synchronized so hopefully that helps things.  My RE told me to go ahead and start taking only the "active" BC pills so apparently I won't be having a period.  Not quite sure what for.  I figured it was to help thicken the lining of my uterus to get ready for transfer but we aren't doing a transfer yet so I'm a little confused.

I am getting a little anxious about the transfer.  The closer it gets and the more I think about it I think I might be a little bit uncomfortable laying on a table half naked with a bunch of guy in there that I've only actually met once.  I mean the guys are great and I love em to death and I know that they (hopefully) aren't going to actually see anything but it's just a strange situation.  I don't think it would be so uncomfortable if I weren't going over there alone to do this but unfortunately GG doesn't let you bring anyone with you on this trip and I completely understand why but that doesn't mean I have to like it.  I am looking at this as if this is my last trip over there but as many surrogates know it doesn't always work out that way and sometimes you have to transfer more than one time.  *God I hope not!*

Oh well, I guess I'll be ok.  This is what I signed up for and I will deal with it and get past this part.  I'm sure it won't be too bad.

Halloween Pictures

Here are some Halloween pictures of my beautiful little girls.  Alyssa is 3 and Zoe is 1.