New IPs

I think we may have found a new set of IPs.  It's funny b/c whenever I used to think about doing a surrogacy and how it would go and the type of couple I would choose I always thought I would get a couple that lived near me but come to find out that doesn't normally happen, atleast when you go through an agency.  I also always pictured myself doing a surrogacy for a straight couple in their 20s or 30s.  Going into this I didn't think I wanted to do a surrogacy for a gay couple then I saw A and S's profile and that changed immediately.  It's like when you see that person's profile you are like "That's it, that's the one."  It's like you are drawn to them for reasons you may not even know.  Now when I was looking for another profile I was ok with doing a surrogacy for a gay couple but I just didn't want anyone too old or anyone overseas.  And low and behold who did I choose, an older couple that live overseas.  It's really strange how things work out and how you are just drawn to certain people.  I guess everything happens for a reason and no matter what kind of preconception I may have about this process everything will work out the way it was meant to.

The Talk

So I talked to A tonight.  He wrote me a very long and very nice letter and I found out what was going on.  Turns out he is having second thoughts about having kids.  For a long time growing up he never thought he wanted kids.  But last year he made a conscious effort to work through those feelings.  His thought was that S wanted to have kids and he wanted to be with S so he should try to change his attitude about all this.  And it was working, he started to really think he wanted to have kids and started imagining their life together with kids.  He just kept telling himself to take the next step - to meet with GG, to meet with me, to sign the next document, to write the next check.  His plan was to just move forward, one step at a time, and one day find himself an expectant father.  And then a father.  In retrospect, it was ridiculous of him to think that would work.  And he finally realized that he may be doing this giant life-changing thing for everyone but himself.  Maybe he will want this some day - maybe even some day soon - but he doesn't want to go into it unless he knows for sure.  I am completely 100% behind him and have no hard feelings.  They are great guys and I don't regret one minute of the past few months.  I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  I just hate that I never got to meet their wonderful family.

Devastated :(

I got word today from my coordinator that the guys won't be able to move forward.  I don't know what happened and I am very disappointed to have to start over this far into the process.  We were supposed to transfer 4 weeks from today.  I don't know...I don't even know what to say.  I am glad it happened now instead of later into the process or after I was pregnant.  The guys are great and I hate that I won't be able to work with them anymore but I don't have any hard feelings towards them.  They have to do what is right for them and I'm sure they have their reasons for not moving forward.  Hopefully I will get to talk to them soon and find out what happened.

Going Good

Well, today is day 2 on the lupron and so far so good.  No side effects or anything yet and the shots aren't bad either.  The first time I did the shot it didn't go in as easily as I expected it to.  I guess I kind of expected it to go in like a knife in butter but you do kind of have to push to break through the skin.  After that it's a breeze.  Starting the lupron got pushed back a day as well as taking my last birth control pill.  Hopefully that doesn't mean that the transfer date has been pushed back.  I guess we'll see.

Instructions!

I got my instructions last night for all the meds I got the other day.  I was supposed to start today on the Lupron but since the hospital I went to today to have my bloodwork and U/S done weren't able to get the results back today we will have to wait until tomorrow to get the results and start everything.  They said that it is fine and that it shouldn't mess up the schedule or anything.  I guess I will just have one less day of the Lupron. 

I can't wait until I can actually see my regular obgyn.  I have to go to the Emory Reproductive Center in Atlanta to have my bloodwork and U/S done and it's a really nice hospital.  It's huge, like 20 floors i think, and they have valet parking.  It took forever to get my appointment scheduled then when I got there they didn't know what was going on and I ended up having to call GG and get them to call up there and talk to someone.  Hopefully my next 3 appointments are my last with them and hopefully it goes smoother next time.  I really don't like driving in Atlanta either.  It's just too much traffic and I get turned around easy b/c I don't really know my way around up there (thank god for GPS!).  And there are too many one way streets that I seem to like to turn the wrong way down. :o/

In case you were wondering this is what my instructions are for the meds so far...

Lupron start 11/24/10 inject 10 units a day

11/27/10 take last active pill and expect a period

12/02/10 start Estrogen support

• Estradiol Valerate:  0.1 cc every 3 days for 2 doses then increase to 0.2 cc every 3 days
• Estrace 2mg tablets:  1 tablet 2x a day then increase to 3x a day on 7th dose
• Prenatal vitamins:  1 pill 3x a day
• Baby Asprin, DHA and Folate:  1 pill a day
• Decrease Lupron:  5 units daily

12/17/10 Start Progesterone support

• Day 1:  Insert 1 Progesterone vaginal capsule at bedtime
• Day 2:  Insert Progesterone vaginal capsules 3x a day and continue daily
• Day 2:  Progesterone in oil - inject 1 cc daily
• Day 2:  Start Medrol dose pack and take as directed on package
• There is also a Progesterone lozenge but my papers don't mention it...maybe they just missed it.  It is the strangest thing.  It looks like a little square and it smells like grape and it says to take it sublingually.

Embryo Transfer 12/20/10

It is just so much stuff to remember.  I am worried that I am going to mess up or do something wrong.  I am going to have to make myself a detailed list of what I am supposed to take each day.  Here comes the FUN!

Meds

Ok so I got my shipment of meds today and OMG are you kidding me?!?  I have to take ALL of this?!?  I BETTER get pregnant on the first try after taking all of this b/c I sure don't want to have to start all over again with this stuff.  I knew about the shots and was expecting that and maybe some prenatal vitamins but this is ridiculous!  I am ok with the shots but just looking at all those pills makes me seriously nauseous.  I am not good at taking pills but atleast there aren't any huge horse pills.  I wish they could just melt them all down and put them all in shot form.  They didn't even send me any instructions or anything.  Am I just supposed to start taking all of this at the same time or what?  I guess I will have a lot of questions for the doctor tomorrow. 

DATES

Well, we've finally got our first set of tentative dates...YAY!!!  Of course it is subject to change, I am just happy to finally have something to shoot for instead of being kind of in the dark with an, "it looks like it's going to be a mid December transfer".  I am just kind of worried that if anything happens and the calendar gets pushed back with it being so close to the holidays that we may have to delay until after the holidays.  And of course that would mean more waiting.  Either way I am so happy to finally have some dates and more than ready to get started.

11/23/10 US/E2 (Ultrasound and estrogen level) Lupron Start

11/27/10 Take last ACTIVE birth control pill and expect a period

12/02/10-US/E2-If OK, start Estrogen

12/08/10 US/E2-Lining check

12/15/10 US/E2-Lining  check-

12/17/10  Poss.  Retrieval    Possible Progesterone Start

12/20/10 Possible Embryo Transfer- Day-3

In other news....I had my 2nd surrogate conference the other day and learned an interesting fact I didn't know.  Apparently after they do the transfer they tilt the end of the bed up in the air and you have to lay there like that for like 30 minutes.  I knew about having to lay there after the transfer but I didn't know they tilt the bed.  Interesting.

Another Step Closer

Well, things are moving along.  The egg donor finally got to do the first of her screenings and should be getting the results back from that within 7 - 10 days.  I think if everything is ok with that screening she has to go in again for some other screening also.  And as it turns out our cycles are already pretty much synchronized so hopefully that helps things.  My RE told me to go ahead and start taking only the "active" BC pills so apparently I won't be having a period.  Not quite sure what for.  I figured it was to help thicken the lining of my uterus to get ready for transfer but we aren't doing a transfer yet so I'm a little confused.

I am getting a little anxious about the transfer.  The closer it gets and the more I think about it I think I might be a little bit uncomfortable laying on a table half naked with a bunch of guy in there that I've only actually met once.  I mean the guys are great and I love em to death and I know that they (hopefully) aren't going to actually see anything but it's just a strange situation.  I don't think it would be so uncomfortable if I weren't going over there alone to do this but unfortunately GG doesn't let you bring anyone with you on this trip and I completely understand why but that doesn't mean I have to like it.  I am looking at this as if this is my last trip over there but as many surrogates know it doesn't always work out that way and sometimes you have to transfer more than one time.  *God I hope not!*

Oh well, I guess I'll be ok.  This is what I signed up for and I will deal with it and get past this part.  I'm sure it won't be too bad.

Halloween Pictures

Here are some Halloween pictures of my beautiful little girls.  Alyssa is 3 and Zoe is 1.

One step closer

Well, not a whole lot going on right now.  We finished the legal papers and I am all legally cleared and ready to go.  I think the guys are too.  I think the only thing we are waiting on is for the egg donor (A's sister) to get her screening and stuff done then we can start the meds and do the transfer.  Hopefully that won't take too much longer b/c I can't wait to be pregnant again.  I am hoping for twins.  I have always wondered what it would be like to carry twins and feel like b/c of my large stature that it is something I would be able to do pretty easily.  I guess we'll see though.
Zoe went to the dermatologist about a week or two ago and her skin has been doing so much better.  I was amazed at how fast it healed.  I could already tell a difference the next day and after 3 days her eczema was almost gone.  Within a week she was completely cleared up.  The dermatologist gave her 2 Rx creams and an oral Rx antihistamine.  As far as the Rx the pediatrician had given us, the dermatologist said they don't recommend giving that to small children.  Thank god I hadn't been using it much.  I just didn't like putting it on her b/c of all the steroids and stuff it has in it and would only put it on the really bad spots for a few days to a week then wouldn't use it again for the rest of the month.  When her eczema started getting really bad I just stopped using it b/c there was no way I was going to use that much on her b/c she was broke out all over her body.

Paperwork!!!

Yay!!!  I never thought I would be so happy to get some paperwork.  Everything is going great.  We got the first set of legal papers.  The fall weather is here and it has been awesome outside.  Perfect temperatures and no rain.  I have been trying to keep myself busy with getting ready for Halloween and all the fairs and fall festivals coming up.  Can't wait!  Summer is my favorite time of year but I am loving this fall weather, for now. 

When we were playing outside on the swing set the other day (me and the kids) Alyssa got scared by a spider and fell off the swing set.  It was the top floor of their wooden swing set so it's pretty high.  She's ok but it shook her up pretty bad.  She couldn't stand up afterwards, her legs were like limp noodles and I took her in the house and she kept saying she wanted to go to bed.  I knew it probably wasn't a good idea to let her go to bed after just falling like that in case she had hit her head so I kept checking on her and she was getting hotter and sweatier then she started throwing up.  It was all very stressful but thankfully she is fine. 

Zoe is broke out in a terrible rash and it is driving me, and her, nuts.  The pediatrician says that it's just eczema but I don't know.  This goes from her toes all the way up to her neck.  The cream they gave me just isn't working and it is the strongest thing they can give me.  I have an appointment scheduled for her to see a dermatologist next week and it can't come soon enough.  She will scratch and scratch until her skin is raw and bleeding and she will be crying and fussing about it and she just keeps on scratching.  It's terrible!

This is taking FOREVER!!!

Ok, I know they say that patience is a virtue but apparently it is a virtue that I don't have.  I can't believe how slow the time seems to be going by.  I guess it's just b/c there isn't anything for me to do but wait.  I feel like I should be doing something, anything.  I have talked to the guys a little more and talked to A's sister a little on FB.  She is the one that is going to be donating the eggs.  She seems incredibly nice and I hope I get to meet her.  The more I talk to them and get to know them and their family the more I love them and the more of a connection I feel with them.  They really are great people and I am truly honored to be doing this surrogacy for them.  I have heard other surrogates say that with a surrogate pregnancy you tend to get more attached to the family than you do to the baby.  I know I'm not pregnant yet and I still have a long way to go but that feels so true.

Just waiting

Well nothing new going on yet.  We are "officially" matched with the guys.  Yay!!!  So now we are just waiting on they guys to go through all their medical screenings and A's sister also.  And we should be getting started on the legal paperwork soon also.  I can't wait to get started.  I can't wait to be pregnant again.  I'm thinking we are gonna get twins hopefully on the first try (fingers crossed).  When we went to the match meeting they said that it usually takes about 4 months from the time you meet each other to the time they actually do the transfer.  I am hoping that it doesn't take that long.  4 months seems like forever.  Hopefully it will fly by (fingers still crossed).

Match Meeting

Well, we flew out to L.A. on Friday and met the guys.  They were great.  Very nice, great sense of humor.  I can't wait to start this journey with them.  The match meeting lasted about an hour and we just talked basicly about ourselves and why we chose surrogacy and all the other basic stuff that was already in our profiles.  Then we left and they did an excellent job of showing us around the city since they live in L.A.  They took us to see the Hollywood stars and we got lots of pictures.  Then they took us up the mountain to this great spot so that I could get a good picture of the Hollywood sign.  It was beautiful up there, you could see all the way to the city, but the road to get there was ridiculous.  It was very narrow and very curvy and there are cars parked all over the sides of the road.  I don't see how people live on those roads, that would drive me nuts.  I guess that's why most of the people over there drive little cars.  There's no way I could have done it in my Explorer especially if there was another car coming the other way.  Then they took us out to eat at a very good Italian restaurant.  I eat chicken parm all the time, that's usually what I get at Italian restaurants.  This was the best chicken parm I have ever had!  It was delicious.  After dinner they took us back to the hotel.  Tommy and I ended up going up to the Groove that night and eating at the Cheesecake Factory since we didn't get to last time.  OMG it was amazing!  We only went up there for desert b/c we thought that was all they had and we had already at dinner.  Turns out they have a FULL menu.  They have pizza, pasta, salads, burgers, steaks, burritos, seafood and everything in between, plus a full bar and of course plenty of cheesecake.  I got the carrot cake cheesecake and OMG...heaven!  I am a big carrot cake lover and this was just the best cheesecake ever.  We ended up going back the next day for lunch and I got the white chocolate macadamia nut cheesecake and Tommy had the snickers cheesecake.  They were both very good but still not as good as my carrot cake cheesecake.  So after lunch we went to the Santimonica Pier.  It was beautiful.  The beach was huge, much bigger than the beaches in Florida that I've been to and the sand was much softer, not as full of shells.  But it was also harder to walk on b/c you sink into it when you walk.  I felt like I need snow shoes on.  And the water was freezing.  I was not expecting that.  S said it's always like that, it's b/c the water comes down from Alaska.  We hung out at the pier for a while and looked all around and ate dinner at Bubba Gumps Shrimp Co which was delicious.  I got the fish and chips but their fish and chips was Mahi Mahi, not cod or flounder or something like that like it is here.  After dinner we went back to the airport and came home.  It is a long, butt numbing ride and I was in the middle of the plane both times.  I hated it.  It was the first time I have ever not been by the window.  It made me a little dizzy and nauseous not being able to see out the window.  Next time they are scheduling my flight I will make sure they get me a window seat.

The Talk

Ok, so I talked to my mom and dad yesterday for the first time since I told them about which couple I decided to go with.  When I told my dad the other day he was completely freaking out but he's fine now.  I wrote him a letter the other day telling him about the couple and why I chose them and all that good stuff and I sent him a copy of the guy's profile so I guess that helped.  I think he was just really in shock after I told him but he's calmed down now and had time to process everything so he's ok.  My mom on the other hand is still mad about it but she's not the type to scream and yell and cuss like my dad (thank god).  She just doesn't understand why I chose them and I tried to explain it to her but it seems to just go in one ear and out the other.  Oh well, I guess one out of two ain't bad.  Hopefully mom will come around to the idea sooner or later.  I am still not planning on telling anyone else that we are going with a gay couple.  I have just decided to save myself the headache b/c you never know how people are going to react.  We are flying out to L.A. on Friday to meet the guys and I can't wait.  Hopefully we will get to spend a good bit of time with them while we are there.  I would like to be able to meet some of their family also.  They live in L.A. so hopefully that won't be a problem.  I would also love to be able to go to the beach this time while we are over there and actually do more than just sit in a hotel room then fly back early the next morning.

Don't know how I'm going to do this

God give me the strength to do this.  I told my dad about the surrogacy and that I am going with a gay couple and he FREAKED out!  There was a lot of cussing and disbelief before he hung up on me.  But the part that hit me the hardest was when he said that he was actually proud of me until he heard that and that he definately wouldn't be repeating it or telling anyone.  He thinks I have completely lost my mind.  If this is how people are going to act when I tell them, I don't plan on telling anyone else.  :'(  I know in my heart that this is the right thing.  I don't know why people are so judgemental.  I just want to move far far away from everyone right now.

Great News

Well I've got some great news.  The guys loved our profile and have agreed to do the surrogacy with us.  Yay!!!  You know how you feel when you ride one of those big roller coasters and you get to the top and you can see the drop and you say, "Here we go!".  That's how I feel.  It's like I finally made it to the top and now I'm like "Here we go!"  I'm so excited.  Hopefully we will be meeting with the guys in a week or two.  Can't wait to meet them.  Still haven't decided what I am going to do about telling everyone.  Oh well, I'll figure it out I guess.

Happy

Ok, I think we have decided on a couple.  YAY!!!  We have 3 profiles to choose from.  A couple from Norway, a single woman who lives in NY and a gay couple (guys) that live in L.A.  I think we are going to go with the gay couple.  They seem like really great guys and they have a great support system with all their family and friends.  They are very close to their family and one of the guy's sister is going to donate her egg and they are going to use the other IF's (intended father) sperm so the baby will be geneticly linked to both of them.  I thought that was pretty cool.  Also, one of the IF's moms is going to move in with them for the first year after the baby is born to help them out.  She also did this with each of her other 4 children after they had their first baby.  I just think they are an amazing family all around and I can't wait to meet them.  I am aware that the choice to do a surrogacy for a gay couple won't sit too well with some of my family and friends but I have really thought about this a lot and this is something I really want to do.  Starting this surrogacy was something I wanted to do to make me happy and to help other people have a family.  I am not doing this to make all my family and friends happy and nor will I ever be able to make everyone happy.  So, I am just going to go with my gut and do what I feel is right and make myself happy and if anyone else has a problem with that it's not my fault.

APPROVED!!!

Well, I got my test results back today from the blood work and everything and I am 100% approved and ready to move forward.  YAY!!!  I am so excited!  The only thing left to do is pick a couple.  I have 2 profiles right now and I will discuss them with my husband tomorrow and try to decide which one to go with.  One of them is a single woman  who lives in NY and the other is a couple that lives in Norway.  I was really wanting to do a couple but I was also wanting someone who lives in the U.S. so idk.  I'm still kinda leaning towards the couple.  I guess we can still phone and e-mail just as easily as if they were living in the U.S. so it doesn't really make that big of a difference.  Did I mention I was excited?  OMG I AM SO FRIGGIN EXCITED!!!!!!!!  I can't wait to get started and to meet the couple.  The only thing that I am kinda worried about is that the transfer won't "stick".  I have heard a lot of horror stories about people having to have it done multiple times and having a really hard time with it and I just hope everything goes ok, for my sake and the IPs.

Nauseous

Ok, these birthcontrol pills are making me nauseous!  I wish they would hurry up and send me some profiles to look at.  They have been out of the office this week at a training class but will be back in the office tomorrow.  YAY!!!  I hate waiting.  I am ready to get started on this stuff.  But after I get signed with a couple I will have to start taking shots, not sure if that is at the same time as I'm taking the birthcontrol or not.  Hopefully not.  Then comes the nausea from the pregnancy.  ugh....  It will all be worth it in the end though, when we have a beautiful baby for someone.

Thoughts

Oh and in case you were wondering the trip to California went great.  The weather over there is awesome.  I wish I could bottle it and bring it back with me.  It's funny b/c everyone over there was complaining about how hot it was but it felt great over there even though it was in the 90s b/c there wasn't any humidity like there is over here.  And I feel sorry for anyone who ever has to ride in a taxi over there b/c those taxi drivers drive CRAZY!  I have never driven with a worse driver in my life.  And it wasn't like it was just one or two of them.  It was every single taxi driver we drove with.  I don't know where they got their licenses or where all the cops are over there but they need to put down the donuts and give out some tickets.  We didn't get to do as much stuff as we would have liked b/c we were kind pressed for time.  We needed to get back home and get the kids and relieve my mom of her grandmotherly duties so she could go on her anniversary vacation.

I have to start birth control tomorrow to make sure I don't get pregnant on my own since they took out my IUD and to thicken up the lining of my uterus for the transfer.  They only want me to take the active pills.  The first 3 weeks of pills are active and the last week is just an iron pill or sugar pill or something.  Apparently if you just keep taking the active pills you won't get a period and it will thicken up the lining of your uterus which is better for when they do the transfer. 

I talked to my mom tonight and asked her what she would think about me having a baby for a gay couple.  She said NO absolutely not, she didn't want me to do that.  She doesn't think it is right.  I think it would be fine.  I am not here to judge anyone for their decisions in life.  If they want to be gay then that is their choice.  It's not hurting me any so why should I worry about it.  Then there are people who say that the child would be really confused and screwed up.  Children are very resilient and you would be surprised at how much they can go through and turn out fine.  There are plenty of kids that grew up in great homes with straight parents that end up being really screwed up.  My parents divorced when I was 6 and they fought all the time, still do sometimes.  My dad is an alcoholic and my mom moved us around a lot but I still turned out ok.  As long as the parents love the child it doesn't matter whether there are two dads or a mom and a dad or two moms. 

My Experience So Far

Ok, I have decided to do a blog about my surrogacy journey and how everything goes through this process.  First, let me start off by telling you a little bit about myself.  I am a 26 year old stay-at-home mom with two beautiful girls, Alyssa, 3 and Zoe, 1.  I am married to a wonderful man, he is my high school sweetheart and best friend.  I started thinking about surrogacy before Alyssa was born but my husband and I both agreed that it was something that we wanted to wait on until after we had our kids.  I have known a lot of women who have had very difficult pregnancies or haven't been able to conceive at all and since my pregnancies were both very easy I thought it would be great to be able to help some people out.  Plus I loved being pregnant.

I decided to get signed up with a company called Growing Generations (GG) and so far they have been great.  The first step in the surrogacy journey is the paperwork.  Lots and lots of paperwork.  You have to sign all kids of forms and get them a copy of your medical records from previous pregnancies (which come to find out is pretty expensive).  My obgyn charged GG $80 to mail me my medical records which was about 100 pages.  It took me about an hour to fax all those pages b/c of the fax machine that we use.  It is ancient and you have to sit there and feed each page through one at a time or it will get all jammed up.  After I faxed all those papers over the lady from GG called me and said that she had told the guy that works in the office that handles the papers to scan my papers (into the computer so they could e-mail it to the insurance people).  Well, apparently he misunderstood her or had his mind somewhere else b/c instead of scanning them, he shredded them!  So then we had to fax them all over again.  This time I got my husband to take it to work with him and fax it there.  That was much easier and faster.  The hardest part of the paperwork was getting the insurance approval.  GG doesn't use your insurance, they pay for a separate surrogate insurance so you have to fill out all the forms for the insurance and wait for them to let you know if you have been approved or not.  It was very nerve wracking having to wait on that approval.  It was only supposed to take about a week to get the approval but b/c my obgyn apparently "missed" some of my records and didn't send everything it ended up taking about 2 weeks.  I had to call her again and get her to mail me the records that were missing so that I could fax it to GG. 

The next step after the paperwork is done is to do the physical and psychological evaluations.  For that they flew my husband and I out to L.A. where GG is located.  First we met with the psychiatrist which I hated.  I am a pretty shy and reserved person and don't like having to answer all those crazy questions about myself.  Like why do I think I will be able to do this?  How would I describe myself?  And what is my greatest accomplishment in life?  After talking with the psychiatrist I had to answer a bunch of questions on a computer, over 800 questions!  They were some of the most off the wall questions, it was crazy.  They would ask questions like How many days are in a week? then ask you if you see dead people or if you think someone is trying to kill you.  It was very strange.  After answering all the questions we had to go to the fertility clinic to check me out and make sure everything was physically ok with me and my uterus.  I had to pee in a cup then they did blood work on me and my husband which we should be getting the results on in 7 - 10 days.  To check my uterus first they just did an ultrasound then to get a better look and check the shape and make sure there wasn't any cysts or anything in there.  Then they took my IUD out and they did a procedure (can't remember what it's called) where they put a catheter into my uterus and pump up a little balloon on the end of the catheter so that it doesn't slide out and they put water into my uterus and fill my uterus up a little bit so they can see better.  It was a very interesting experience.  The whole time he was pumping the water in there and filling up my uterus I could watch it on the ultrasound machine and you could see the little air bubbles floating around i the water and everything.  Then you see them deflate the balloon and pull the catheter out.  He said everything looked great and I was cleared for conception.  Yay!!!  I have to say though, I felt really weird going into a fertility clinic when I don't have fertility issues.

So that's how far we have gotten.  The next step after all the blood work comes back ok is that they will start sending me profiles of couples for me to pick from.  Hopefully it will move pretty quickly from there.  I can't wait to get matched with a couple. 

If there is anything at all that you want to know just ask.