Monday, November 29, 2010

The Talk

So I talked to A tonight.  He wrote me a very long and very nice letter and I found out what was going on.  Turns out he is having second thoughts about having kids.  For a long time growing up he never thought he wanted kids.  But last year he made a conscious effort to work through those feelings.  His thought was that S wanted to have kids and he wanted to be with S so he should try to change his attitude about all this.  And it was working, he started to really think he wanted to have kids and started imagining their life together with kids.  He just kept telling himself to take the next step - to meet with GG, to meet with me, to sign the next document, to write the next check.  His plan was to just move forward, one step at a time, and one day find himself an expectant father.  And then a father.  In retrospect, it was ridiculous of him to think that would work.  And he finally realized that he may be doing this giant life-changing thing for everyone but himself.  Maybe he will want this some day - maybe even some day soon - but he doesn't want to go into it unless he knows for sure.  I am completely 100% behind him and have no hard feelings.  They are great guys and I don't regret one minute of the past few months.  I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  I just hate that I never got to meet their wonderful family.


Andrea said...

I so glad he was honest with you. This will help for you to have closure with this journey. I wish you all the best with a quick second match.

Jennifer said...

I'm so glad they let you know everything. Just like Andrea said it's good to have that closure.