Moving On

Well, I couldn't take it anymore.  The hanging around and waiting to know whether or not A was going to change his mind was killing me emotionally.  That's one roller coaster I decided to get off of.  Even if he did change his mind I would be constantly worrying if he was just doing it b/c S wanted him to or if he really wanted kids and whether or not he was going to back out again.  When I backed out with the last set of IFs after the match meeting A sounded so sure that they were going to be ready to get started again soon and sounded like he didn't want me to match yet.  He was texting me when we flew out for the match meeting with the other guys.  So, I waited.  Almost as soon as he found out that I had backed out with the other couple he started acting all wishy washy again. 

Then I e-mailed him last week saying that if we were going to be doing a May/June transfer we might want to go ahead and get started on SOMETHING.  I think we still needed to do some more paperwork and stuff and get our cycles synchronized.  This was his reply...

I don't have anything completely  concrete to report at this moment. As soon as I do, I will let u know. I promise. I hope it's soon, but i just cant guarantee that.  Meantime... if you feel like you're putting your life on hold for us, please take care of yourself first. Okay?  I don't want you to feel held hostage by my lengthy process with all of this. I wish no one was, including S, but there it is. This is more difficult for me than I wish. 

The second we decide to move forward, you'll be the first to know. I swear. 

 

I love him to death.  They are both super sweet and if A ever stops worrying so much he might get a chance to see how great a father he can be and what a rewarding experience it is, however much it turns your life upside down.  I have become very attached to them over the past 6 months but, emotionally, I just can't take it anymore.  I wish them the best of luck on their journey.  They're gonna need it.

 

I know there are a lot of couples out there who really want a kid with all their heart and I can't wait to help them.  So, hopefully I will be receiving another profile soon and am able to move on, quickly.  I told Erica at GG to make sure they only send me profiles of couples who are 100% on board and ready to move forward :)

 

In other sad news.  My sister-in-law found out today after several weeks of low numbers and slow rising numbers and many ultrasounds that she has an ectopic pregnancy.  She has been really low for a while now b/c every time she went to the doctor to find out what was going on they could never tell her anything and it was all very confusing and stressful.  But she seemed like she was in a much better mood today.  I guess b/c she finally found out what was actually going on, it's the waiting and not knowing that is the hard part.  So she had to go up to the hospital today and have it taken care of.  I thought that they had to physically clean the pregnancy out of the tube but apparently they don't do that anymore.  They gave her a shot in each hip and sent her home.  Amazing.

 

And I leave you with this.  A few pictures I took of my beautiful girls the other day during an unplanned "photo shoot".  Alyssa is almost 4 and Zoe is almost 2.