First OB Appt

Well, everything looks great.  I'll be 14 weeks in 2 days and I just had my first official OB appt today.  Just to catch you up, I had several appointments to check my hcg levels and they more than doubled  each time and my hormone levels were always higher than they had to be.  Then at my first ultrasound we found out officially that it was twins.  We had several early ultrasounds and everything has always been great.  I never had any spotting or complications or anything.

The guys have been great this whole time.  I couldn't ask for a better set of IPs, they never cease to amaze me.  In April we went to Florida on vacation and as soon as I mentioned that I was looking for a place to stay for our vacation they said that they have a time share in Orlando and that we were welcome to use it.  It was so nice of them to offer it to us and we had a great time and really enjoyed it there.  On Easter they sent the kids Easter baskets filled with goodies.  Then for Mother's Day they got me a mug with a picture of me, my hubby and kids on it and 2 necklaces.  Then this past weekend they sent me a spa gift certificate which I'm really looking forward to using.  I'm going to be so spoiled by the end of this pregnancy...lol.  They are so nice and always checking on me to see how I'm doing.

I'm seeing a different doctor with this pregnancy than I did with my last 3 pregnancies because my last doctor was very pro c-section.  They tried to scare me into a c-section with my first two pregnancies and I wouldn't agree to it.  Then with my third pregnancy I ended up "having" to do a section.  At my postpartum checkup I asked them about doing a vbac in the future and they said the only way they'd let me vbac is if the baby is under 9lbs.  I knew right then I needed to find another OB or I'd end up with another section.  So, I searched online for doctors that specialize in vbacs and asked around on some pregnancy groups online and that's where I found Dr. Tate.  I am so glad I found him.  He is very vbac friendly and specializes in vbacs and pregnancy with multiples.  I am very happy with my decision to change doctors.  It is definitely worth the extra drive time.

As far as symptoms go I only threw up twice during the first trimester and as long as I kept something on my stomach my nausea wasn't too bad.  All other symptoms have been a lot more severe than a singleton pregnancy.  The heartburn and indigestion have been really bad as well as the gas and bloating.  Ever since I came off my hormones I've been having headaches and migraines almost daily.  I was extremely tired during the first trimester but it's starting to ease up some.  I HAVE to eat at regular times.  If I don't then I get nauseous, start sneezing (I know, wired symptom) and get a headache.  I don't know if my blood sugar getting too low or what but all the symptoms go away when I eat.  And we're not even going to talk about how much weight I've gained so far.  I started feeling movement at 11 weeks but it's still very light and random.  I can't wait until it gets stronger.

I go back to the doctor on Thursday to have some prenatal testing done and my gestational diabetes test.  Then my next appointment will be June 29th.  My appointment today went great.  Babies looked great, growing right on track.  He seemed a little surprised that my uterus was already so high, it's already almost to my belly button.  He said the reason it's so high is because it's not even in my pelvis anymore.

Beta Day

Ok, let me catch you up.  Everything went great with the screening and the guys liked my profile.  We ended up doing a video conference with the guys instead of flying out for a match meeting because their schedules were too busy at the time.  The video conference went great, we hit it off right away, and told GG we would love to work with them.  After that we got started on paperwork and contracts and all that boring stuff.  On March 16th we flew out to L.A. for the transfer.  We had dinner with the guys that night at the Cheesecake Factory and they had their son with them, it was the first time we'd ever met.  We all hit it off great, they are very very sweet and easy to get along with.

The next morning, on St. Patrick's Day, we all met at Dr. Kolb's office for the transfer.  They had two 5-day embryos to transfer and they were very good quality, they had already hatched and looked great.  They already have a little boy from their first surrogacy and are hoping for a girl this time.  They told the doctor they wanted to use one female embryo and then use the best looking embryo out of the bunch but no one knows if the second embryo is a boy or girl.  After the transfer I had to be on bed rest until the next day but the guys came to the hotel that night and we all went downstairs to the hotel restaurant for dinner.  After we ate the guys gave us some gifts that they had gotten us.  Tommy got some really good smelling cologne with a travel bag and stuff, the kids got some really cool night lights with a remote and everything, cool magnet tins and some of that really cool sand stuff with a sandbox and stamps for it.  I got an iPad mini with a purple case which completely floored me, I didn't know what to say, thank you didn't seem like enough.  They said they share a lot of pictures to the cloud and they wanted me to be able to see all the pictures of the kid(s).  It had only been about 9 hours since the transfer so I guess they were really expecting this to work, no pressure or anything you know, lol.

The next morning my husband and I went out for breakfast then walked a couple of blocks to a little mall.  I had been cramping since the transfer and after walking to the mall and doing a little shopping it got worse so we found a nice seating area outside and took a rest while waiting for the hotel shuttle to pick us up.  After that we caught our plane back to Georgia and went back to our normal routines.  5 days after the transfer I took my first pregnancy test and it was very obviously positive.  I bet if I had taken a test the day before it would have been positive also.  I took another test, 6dp5dt, and it was even darker.  

Today, March 30th, was my beta day.  I am 13dp5dt and it was the longest 13 days of of my life.  The doctors were hoping for anything over 100 today and when the doctor called me with my test results she said, "You're very pregnant!"  My hcg was 1,237!!!  So, needless to say we're probably having twins.  I'm very excited and nervous at the same time because I don't know what to expect with a twin pregnancy.  Also because I've never had a small baby and I'm probably going to be huge with two 8lb babies in there.  I've never gone into labor before my due date before so I'm curious if I will this time.  I plan on carrying these babies full term, I don't want to deliver them early unless it happens naturally or it's medically necessary.

I've got another blood test in two days and my numbers should be doubled by then (fingers crossed).  We're supposed to have another blood test April 8th then an ultrasound on the 10th before we leave for vacation on the 11th.  I can't wait for that ultrasound and I'm so glad we were able to squeeze it in before vacation instead of having to wait until after.

The guys have been very sweet today.  I asked them if they were nervous about possibly having twins and they said, "We would love twins but yes we are nervous and worried about you."  ❤️❤️❤️

Surrogacy Screening

I decided to sign up with GG again.  I really liked going with GG last time.  I know they've been doing this for a while and I feel safe with them.

So, on Monday, hubby and I are flying out to L.A. for our screenings with GG.  I also got a profile already.  It's so exciting!  They seem really nice.  They live in Arizona and this will be their second surrogacy.  They have a 7 month little boy from their first surrogacy and are wanting a sibling.  Come to find out their previous surro is in one of my surrogacy groups on FB...lol...small world.  I got to talking to her and she had nothing but good things to say about them.  She can't do another surrogacy for them because she had some complications after her last C-section and had to have a hysterectomy.  GG will send my profile to the couple after our screenings come back ok.  So, fingers crossed everything goes ok and they like my profile.

Nothing much new in my life.  Still trying to loose weight, unsuccessfully.  I am about the same size or maybe a little less than when I did the surrogacy for Nathaniel so at least I'm not bigger, that's good.  It just seems like no matter what I do or how little I eat I can't seem to loose any weight.  My body is very stubborn.  The only time I ever loose weight is after I have a baby so maybe I should just keep doing that...lol.

I have also been attempting to start my own photography business which has been very interesting.  I'm not a people person so the hardest part has been being around people I don't know and having to talk to them, I not much of a talker.  I've got a photography page on FB, it's called Jenibug Photography, if you want to look it up.

I'm just getting started in the photography world and I know I've got a lot of improving to do but I'm trying and look forward to getting better in the future.  And yes, those are my girls.  Alyssa is 7 now and Zoe is 5.

Working on weight loss

Well, I haven't been counting calories anymore and have gained back all the weight I had lost and I'm no longer in "one"derland.  :(  Now, my husband and I are doing a juice fast.  Today is day one and I was at 205 this morning.  I've never done any kind of fast before so this is a first for me.  I've heard people say the first week is the worst b/c you're detoxing and it's cleaning out your system and everything.  I really didn't think it was going to be very hard but now I'm starting to second guess that thought.  We got a Nutribullet and are basically going to try only drinking our fruits, veggies and nuts.  I had my first one earlier and it was actually pretty good.  I put spinach, half an apple, a banana, about 5 strawberries and 5 or 6 baby carrots.  It was a LOT to drink.  The Nutribullet works great though.  If you've ever seen the documentary on Netflix called "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" that's what we're doing, except with a Nutribullet instead of a juicer.  Our goal is to do it for a month but we are going up to the lake for 4th of July weekend in 2 weeks and I doubt we are going to keep it up over the weekend.  I keep getting the urge to eat something, just out of habit when I'm fixing the kids food or I see chips or something laying out.  Something in my head says take a bite even though I don't feel hungry.

Nathaniel is a year old now.  He turned a year in April.  Him and his daddies are doing great.  I sure would like it if I got more updates and pictures but not much I can do about that I guess.  :'-(  I am going to be doing another surrogacy this year.  I'll probably sign up with GG again in August or September.  I just don't want to transfer until after my birthday in October.  I'm going to be 30 this year and want to be able to go out with my hubby and my friends and have a good time and a few drinks.  I can't wait to be pregnant again though.  I miss my prego belly.  I had to wait 2 years from the time I transferred to the time I am able to transfer again b/c my OB wouldn't clear me medically until then since I had a c-section.  I have never heard of anyone having to wait that long and I'm really thinking about finding a new OB.  Not just b/c I've had to wait so long but b/c they seem to have a high c-section rate and really push c-sections and I don't like that.  Hopefully I can find a good OB between here and Atlanta that has a low c-section rate and is covered by the surrogacy insurance.

Nathaniel's First Birthday!

Stressed

We've been going through a lot the past 2 months with my youngest daughter.  First, with her hitting her head really bad and having constant headaches for almost a month and having to have  a couple of CT scans.  Then she got sick one day, developed a fever and was very lethargic.  I took her to the dr and she said Zoe just had a virus and she would be fine.  This is her at the dr office.  Normally she would be running around the room.

I ended up taking her to the ER that night b/c her fever was up to 103 and wasn't coming down with tylenol or anything.  They sent us home telling us that she was fine, she just had a virus and to keep her hydrated.  After we got home she was walking really funny and we couldn't figure out why.  That was a very scary night.  I was up with her most of the night and her fever got up to 103.6 and she started having hallucinations which was really freaky.  This is her the night she was having the hallucinations.  I have no idea what she was staring at, there was nothing there :/  Several times she started talking to the hallucinations and trying to hit them.

Then I noticed a rash about the size of a slice of bread that was red, hot and slightly swollen on the top of her thigh but didn't think too much about it.  The next day she still had a fever and was vomiting and i took her back to the dr and they still said the same thing.  Within 2 days the rash spread down the front of her shin and she still had a fever and was vomiting.  We ended up taking her to the ER that night (a different ER) and they still told us that she just had a virus and she was fine.  They gave her a bag of fluids b/c she was dehydrated and took some blood to run some tests that were supposed to be ready the next morning and we all went home for the night. 

The next morning I went back up to the hospital by myself to get the test results.  When the doctor told me that all her test results came back normal I couldn't take it.  I broke down right there.  I was just so scared and we had been taking her to the doctors constantly and no one was helping us, just saying she had a virus and she would be fine.  Here is a picture of the rash after it had spread down her leg...

You can see it's starting to spread onto the top of her foot on that bottom side.    2 days after taking her to the hospital her whole foot was red and swollen and she could barely even move her toes b/c they were so swollen and she couldn't walk anymore.  I took her back to the doctor again and she took one look at Zoe's foot and said that it definitely wasn't a virus and she put her on some high dose antibiotics and said it looked like she had a bacterial infection.  They also sent us for x-rays which they said looked fine.  She wasn't able to walk for 4 long days and the antibiotics didn't seem to be doing much.  After 4 days on the antibiotics her foot was still red and swollen and hot but she could walk on it a little.  After 10 days on the antibiotics she was walking on it but still favoring that foot a little and it was still red, swollen and warm, just not as red, as swollen or as warm.  So the doctor said we needed to take her to a childrens infectious disease specialist (very scary thing to hear the doctor say).  The pictures don't do it justice, it was much redder in person.

So we took her to the infectious disease specialist and he said to take her off the antibiotic, that it wasn't an infection but he wasn't sure what it was but put her on the steroid, Prednizone.  He said that whatever it was that it wasn't anything serious (insert HUGE sigh of relief).  He said that if he had seen her sooner he probably could have given us a diagnosis.  Then he sent us over to the childrens hospital for MORE x-rays and bloodwork.  Everything came back normal, yet again.  A few days after coming off the antibiotic her foot started to REALLY look better and she was finally able to wear her shoes again.  And now her foot is back to normal :D 

And, just because I LOVE pictures, especially pictures of my beautiful girls, here are some pictures I recently took of her...

And her sister, Alyssa...

And one more of Zoe from today :)

During that time that all this was going on with Zoe I was so consumed with everything that I didn't contact the guys (I and A)  Then about 2 weeks ago I e-mailed "I" and updated him on everything that had been going on and asked about the baby and everything and I still haven't gotten a response.  I sent him a text the other day too and no response.

The worrier in me says that something is wrong, that they're mad at me and want me out of their lives (I know that's probably crazy but it's basically every surrogates worst case scenario).  Then my more rational side says that they're just busy with trying to balance work and the baby and everything is fine, they'll contact me when they get a chance.  But like a very wise surrogate friend said, "A simple text takes so little time but means so much."  Anyways, here are the most recent pictures I have of him (they are from last month).  He is 4 months old now and already weighs 20lbs!

Nathaniel with 2 of his cousins.  I love that face...LOL!

On another note, my agency contacted me the other day wanting to know if I wanted to come back for another surrogacy :D  HELL YEAH I DO!!!  I can't wait to be pregnant again.  I keep seeing women with pregnant bellies and I miss it so much.  It's just an amazing feeling and I think knowing that the pregnancy is for a greater purpose makes it even more rewarding. 

Until then I have been working on loosing some weight.  I went back to my pre pregnancy weight without doing anything and have been wearing all my regular clothes since about a month after delivery but I was already heavy before I got pregnant and this is something I've really been needing to do.  I've been using myfitnesspal and tracking my calories and we try to walk or ride bikes in the evening if we can and I already lost 6 lbs in the first 2.5 weeks.  I'll weigh again in the morning and hopefully that number will go up at least a pound :)  I'm only eating a maximum of 1280 calories a day and some days it's hard b/c I've been having some major cravings the past few days but it's paying off and I'm losing weight so I'm gonna stick to it.  One thing I got REALLY excited about the other day was when I finally broke through the 200 lb barrier.  I have been over 200 for a very long time (probably close to 10 years) and I was very happy to be back in "one"derland :D  I bought a new pair of jeans the other day to celebrate (a size smaller than I would have bought pre pregnancy:).  I think it was the first pair of non maternity pants I have bought in years.

I highly recommend myfitnesspal though.  I never thought counting calories would work for me but it has and the app makes it super easy to calculate everything.  Also, it really opens your eyes to how many calories you were consuming a day (no wonder I couldn't get below 200), how many calories are in things and what the correct portion sizes are.  I love it.  My husband has been using it too and has lost 13 lbs in 2.5 weeks!

Feeling good

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since my c-section and I'm feeling great.  My incision has pretty much healed and the numb spots on my stomach aren't bothering me as much.  I'm wearing my pre pregnancy clothes and last time I weighed myself (a week or so ago) I was 4 lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight.  Funny story, the first time I weighed myself after coming home from the hospital it said that I had GAINED 7 lbs.  I had just delivered an 11 lb baby, how is that even possible?  LOL!  I guess it was just from all the IV fluids they pump into you before and after the c-section.  I was really worried this time that I wouldn't be able to loose the weight since I'm not breastfeeding and I gained a little more than I did with my own pregnancies (20 lbs vs 15 and 12 with my kids) but it has just came off like before without me doing anything and I am SO glad.  Of course my husband always says I look great but it always feels good to hear it from someone else.  Today I had two other people compliment me.  They said I didn't look like I'd just had a baby and I looked very slender :)  I can't wait to get back in the gym and loose some weight.  I want to be under 200 lbs this summer, that is my goal.  I haven't been under 200 in almost 10 years!

  Why yes, I did recently deliver an 11 lb baby :)

Baby Nathaniel is doing good.  I talked to "I" last week and Nathaniel had been giving them a hard time and had been especially fussy and hard to get to sleep at night.  They took him to the doctor and ended up changing his formula and putting him on gas drops and he's been doing much better.  It's hard to believe he's almost a month old already.

Alyssa only has 3 weeks of school left and I can't wait.  I am SO not a morning person and I love the summer.  The summer is when we really get to do stuff as a family and the kids get to experience so much new stuff.  I love taking them to new places.  We recently got them a small pool and they LOVE it.  They drive me nuts every single day begging to get in the pool, rain or shine, day or night, it doesn't matter to them.  We also got season passes to the zoo and I can't wait to take them.  And we are planning on taking a trip to Florida this summer.  Alyssa has been begging me to take her to Florida for at least 6 months now.  She wants to go to the beach an go visit her friend, Aubrey, who moved to Florida and go visit "I and A" and baby Nathaniel :)

Alyssa (left) and Zoe (right) waiting on the pool to fill up.  They were pointing at the clouds and talking about what they look like :)

This is how a 4 year old writes lady bug and caterpillar...LOL!

Alyssa got a soccer trophy!

The coach made paper plate trophies for all the kids with different things on them for each kid.  Alyssa's was "Major D" for defender b/c of how she would run up and block the goal trying to keep the other team from scoring.

Her coach and teammates

Zoe in her new bathing suit ready to get in the pool :)

Baby is Here!!!

Well, it's official, I am a surrogate.  Even when I was pregnant it never felt official, it felt more like a goal.  Now that the baby is here I can actually say that I AM a surrogate :)  Or should I say I WAS a surrogate?  Now I'm confusing myself :o/

Ok, let me start at the beginning and see if I can remember all that happened.  It went by so fast it's kind of a blur.  At my 36 or 37 week appointment I had an ultrasound done to check the size of the baby b/c I was measuring big and he was already measuring 9 lbs!  I was shocked, as were the IFs, but I know the ultrasound measurements can be off, especially this late in the pregnancy, so I just kinda blew it off and didn't believe it. 

About 2 weeks went by then I had another ultrasound done at 39 weeks to check his size again and this time he was measuring 10 lbs 4 oz!  We were all shocked, again.  This time it was a bit harder to just blow off but I was still pretty certain that it was at least a pound off and I would be fine to do a vaginal birth (my last baby was 9 lbs 3 oz).  Some of the doctors were REALLY pushing for me to have a c-section but I was totally against it.  I asked them about inducing early and they absolutely refused which really made me mad.  It makes absolutely NO sense why they are ready and willing to cut me open at 39 weeks and take the baby out b/c of his size but refuse to induce me b/c of size.  I still don't understand it, especially since I was induced with my last baby b/c of her size (same doctors office and everything).

Anyways, we ended up going back and forth about it between me not wanting to do it to the OB pushing me to do it and scaring the IFs with all the horror stories about what could happen when trying to deliver a big baby then the IFs pushing me to do it and I ended up scheduling the dreaded c-section for the next day when I would be exactly 39 weeks.  It wasn't what I wanted but I also know that this isn't my baby and I didn't like the thought of something possibly happening to him during the birth and me being responsible.  We've worked too hard and come too far to let something happen to him now and I would never have been able to live with myself if something had happened.  Plus I think it was probably for the best, considering how big he ended up being.

So, my IFs were already on their way and decided to go to the pre-op appointment with me.  We just signed some paperwork and she let us know what to expect and answered some questions we had then we all (me, "I", "A", I's mom, my MIL and SIL and my 2 girls) went out to eat for dinner.  The c-section was scheduled for 10:30 the next morning.  We got up and my wonderful hubby took Alyssa to school as usual and brought me back a CFA biscuit for breakfast totally forgetting that I wasn't allowed to eat...LOL.  Oh well, it's the thought that counts :)  We finished getting ready and took my youngest daughter to my MIL's house then me, hubby and my mom went up to the hospital. 

Once we got there and got signed in and everything they took me back to the recovery room to get ready for the surgery.  They hooked me up to the monitors and an IV and pumped me full of fluids.  Then they put these lovely giant sock things on my legs that went all the way up to my thigh and had the toes cut out.  I'm guessing so they could make sure my toes weren't turning blue b/c those things are so tight.  We were in there for a while and had to sign more paperwork and do god knows what else.  Then we walked down to the OR and I sat up on the table to get my epidural.  I love epidurals but I hate having them put in.  It's such a scary thing to put so much faith in someone you don't know and hope to god he knows what he's doing.  Plus I hate hearing/feeling the epidural needle scrape against my spine.  Gives me chills just thinking about it.

Once the epidural was in they had me lay down on the table and things got scary for a minute.  My blood pressure dropped to about 50/75 and I almost blacked out but as soon as I told them they started pushing meds into my IV and I started to feel better at least for a second.  After I came back from that I started getting really nauseous (which I told them and they quickly started pushing more meds into my IV) and started throwing up.  The meds started working pretty quickly and I was feeling better and they brought my husband in who forgot the camera :(  Thank god for cell phones!  Once they got started they brought "I and A" in.  I was shocked they actually let both the guys in the OR.  They usually only let once person in the OR with you so they made a major exception for us which I was very thankful for.

Before the c-section I (jokingly) told my husband that if this baby came out weighing less than 10 lbs I was gonna kick "I and A's" butt! Then when I was lying on the table right before the surgery the OB (same OB who told us the day before that this was probably going to be a 10.5 lb baby) was feeling the baby in my abdomen and said, "I don't know, we might have a 9.5 lb baby in here." I was like WHAT?!?! You better be glad I've already had my epidural and can't get up right now lady!

Baby Nathaniel was born on April 13th (yes, Friday the 13th), exactly a week before my due date.  He was 11 lbs 4 oz and I think he was 21.5 inches long.  BIG baby!  As soon as they pulled him out I immediately felt better.  It was like a huge weight was lifted and I could breathe again and was more comfortable.  After that "I and A" went down to the nursery with the baby while they stitched me up and took me to recovery. 

What I wish I'd known about c-sections:

1.  That they leave the epidural in for 24 hours.  I thought they would take that out after the surgery and I would be up and walking around later that day.
2.  How much I would miss that epidural once it wore off b/c the Rx wasn't helping with the pain.
3.  How hard it would be to get out of bed for the first time (especially when your legs are still half dead from the epidural)
4.  That it's not just the incision that's gonna be sore.  My stomach muscles, all the way around the sides too, felt like they had been pulverized.
5.  How extremely painful the gas pain is after surgery and that you can have gas pain in your shoulders.
6.  That the surgery was going to cause really big numb spots in my lower abdomen.
7.  Apron.  Need I say more :[

When I was in recovery they let a couple of family members come back and see me a few at a time.  My stomach looked and felt really weird.  It was completely sunken in like they had taken out a few organs and forgotten to put them back.

I don't remember much else about what happened that day.  It's pretty much a blur.  They took me down to my room and I know a lot of people were coming in and out and the guys came to visit and brought the baby to me but that's about all I remember.  Tommy stayed with me that night and Zoe stayed with his mom and Alyssa stayed with my mom.

The next day, Saturday, Zoe had a soccer "game" so Tommy left early that morning to go watch her play.  That afternoon they took the epidural out and I was in a lot of pain.  Then I had to get out of bed for the first time and walk to the bathroom and my blood pressure dropped again and I almost passed out.  That was pretty much how my whole day went.  People came and went and I was very sore and just trying to heal and not pass out when I got up.  The first time I got up and walked down the hallway it felt like I had just ran a marathon.  I managed to walk halfway down to "I and A's" room that evening and Tommy pushed me the rest of the way so I could go for a visit.  "I's" mom was there and "A's" mom and dad were there.  They were all very happy to see me and kept thanking me and giving me lots of hugs.

On Sunday the baby and I were allowed to go home.  It was a very bittersweet goodbye.  I was SOOO ready to go home and get out of the hospital and get back to my own life.  "I and A" are great daddies.  Very attentive to him and even though they've got this huge baby you would think they had a tiny little preemie the way they acted.  Everything the did they did so carefully like they were afraid they were going to break him.  It was hilarious!  I can't wait to watch him grow and watch them grow into their roles as dads.

Since the birth everyone always wants to know how I'm doing emotionally.  A lot of my friends and family told me from the beginning that it was going to be hard to give up the baby.  I always told them it wouldn't be b/c I truly don't want any more kids right now.  I'm doing this with the sole purpose of helping someone else have a baby and knew going into this that the baby isn't genetically mine or my husbands.  Why would I want to keep someone elses baby?  If I wanted a baby I would have one of my own, the easy way.  In the back of my mind though I was prepared for the worst.  I even warned the guys to expect me to be all hormonal and emotional (just in case).  I had heard about all the emotions you go through after surrogacy from a lot of other surrogates.  Plus I know how crazy your hormones can get after pregnancy.

I know it probably sounds terrible but, I can honestly say I felt no connection to the baby after he was born.  It was more like how I feel towards any of my friends kids.  I never got upset about any of it and taking care of a baby was the LAST thing I wanted to do after that c-section.


Now, everyone's favorite part.  PICTURES!!!


                                                                           34 weeks

36 weeks

38 weeks

night before the c-section

                                                        all hooked up and ready to go

a very happy family, goal accomplished :D

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