Saturday, June 18, 2011

Almost There and Slightly Annoyed

I and A are still looking over the contract with their lawyer so nothing new to report there.  But we did get the test results back for the guys and the egg donor and it all came back negative except for a very rare gene abnormality that A had so they are making sure the egg donor doesn't carry it also.  I think it's one of those things where if one parent has it you're ok but if both parents have it then they can pass it on to the kid.  I'm just glad everything was cleared with our egg donor.  That was the main thing I was worried about because I have heard so many stories of egg donors testing positive for drugs or STDs.  So glad we didn't have to deal with that.  It feels like a huge weight lifted.  One thing a lot of people have been asking is, "Why don't they screen the egg donors before hand?"  Well, that's a pretty simple answer.  They have a lot of egg donors sitting in the database waiting to be picked.  You never know how long it's going to be before they get picked, if they get picked.  They could be waiting for a year, you never know.  The agency doesn't want to waste the money screening an egg donor that never gets picked.  Plus, and probably more importantly, the screening has to be up to date.  Another thing I never really knew about the egg donor until now is that they are usually always annonymous and have fake names and everything.  I asked "I and A" if they got to meet the egg donor and they said no, that it's all annonymous and they don't even know her real name.  It seems kinda strange that these women are going to have a bunch of kids running around that they are never going to meet or even know whether or not the eggs turned into babies I guess.  I don't know how they do it, I know I never could.  But I guess it's good that there are women out there that do it b/c there are a lot of deserving couples out there waiting to become a family and without them, my "job" would be a whole lot harder.
Which leads me to another topic, my mom.  She still isn't happy about me doing a surrogacy for a gay couple and the other day she called me.  Apparently someone had told her that you get like $10,000 for donating your eggs, which I think she was thinking that was per egg (it's definately not), I'm pretty sure that number is way off.  I'm thinking it's like $6,000 or something.  But anyways, she says, "Have you ever thought of doing that (egg donation) so you don't have to do the surrogacy?"  It just really rubbed me the wrong way I guess.  Like she was saying that I am just doing it for the money so why don't I just donate my eggs since it's easier.  I think I've said it before but I'll say it again.  Surrogacy is not something you do for the money.  It takes a lot of time and effort and sacrafice on my part as a surrogate but I don't care.  I do it with love and compassion for this wonderful couple who I can't wait to make a family.  I'm sure it may be hard from time to time but I expected that.  She thinks (or hopes) that after I do it one time I will see how hard it is and how hard it is to hand over the baby and I won't want to do it again.  I am not going to have any problem handing them their baby(ies).  My kids are enough of a handfull and I do not want any more any time soon, or maybe ever, especially if they aren't even mine.  I never said that this was going to be an easy journey, but I know it'll be worth it.  It just frustrates me to no end that she can't see that.

We've also been having issues with insurance lately.  The lady in HR at Tommy's work has been getting on my last nerve.  We have BCBS and Tommy's work is switching over to Coventry, which will be the 3rd insurance we've had in the past year!  First Kaiser, then BCBS and now Coventry, so annoying.  Well, we were hoping to be able to use my insurance, BCBS, during the surrogacy to save the guys a little money and they would just purchase a separate policy to cover anything that my insurance didn't cover.  We already knew that the insurance was going to be changing but we were told (lied to) by the lady in HR that we were still going to be with BCBS but it was just going to be another policy with them.  I even called her last week to ask her a little more about it and she just said that it was going to be automatic, we didn't have to do anything and that we probably wouldn't even notice any difference.  That was all a bunch of BS.  I've got a bunch of paperwork I've got to fill out and how could I not notice any difference?  The insurance companies are completely different!  I hate being lied to and I hate that the guys may end up having to pay for a separate insurance.  I'm pretty sure BCBS would have covered my surrogate pregnancy b/c there are a lot of other surrogates who use it but now with this new insurance I don't think it will cover the pregnancy (we'll definately try though) and it's going to cost the guys a lot of money to have to purchase a separate insurance.

It's just a lot of variables that have to come into play within the next 2 weeks.  I am very excited to be moving forward but I can't wait to be done with all this paperwork.  Hopefully my next post will be a little more cheery :)


Ashley said...

I hope your mom turns around about this. I know I had some difficulty with it with my mom in the beginning and at times she would go back and forth whether or not I was choosing "the right" couple or not. I wanted her to support me 100%, so I involved her in the process as much as I could. She came to dr appts with me, some meetings, and was even right there with one of the IP's during delivery. She has totally turned around and loves my IP's and the triplets more and more every day. She even asks to come on visits with me! So don't give up on your momma... she'll come around as long as you keep her involved.

BTW, I had BCBS, and they covered everything! And I mean everything... even most of the girl's stay in the NICU!! Good luck with it.

Jennifer said...

Thanks for the advice Ashley. I will try to keep her involved as much as possible. And hopefully they will be able to come visit atleast once and everyone will get to meet them and see what great people they are. I was hoping to have my mom in the delivery room with me, she said she would. I was hoping that her seeing them and how happy they are and what great fathers they are would change her mind a little.