Quick Update

Ok, so just a quick update.  Nothing much going on lately.  The guys talked to the Dr. and everything is fine and we are moving forward.  Hubby and I fly out to L.A. on Wednesday and do the match meeting on Thursday then fly back home.  Hopefully everything goes great.  I really hate match meetings.  They make me so nervous.  I don't know, maybe it's just b/c I'm so shy.  Can't wait to go though, and finally get to meet the guys and get on with the good stuff.  We are taking the kids to the circus for the first time tomorrow so that should be a lot of fun.  I am probably as excited as they are b/c I know they are really going to like it.  We saw one of the commercials for the circus on earlier tonight and Alyssa was watching it then a little while later she was in the kitchen trying to get me to help her stand on top of her big huge ball.  Of course I was telling her no that she didn't need to be standing on her ball and asked her why she wanted to stand on it and she said b/c the people on the commercial for the circus were doing it...LOL!

New IFs?

Well, apparently the guys liked my profile but there was one thing in my medical records that they wanted to talk to the dr about and since the dr is on vacation this week i think they are supposed to meet with him on monday.  It's nothing too serious but I guess, being 2 guys, they don't know that.  I had an early miscarriage at 8 weeks before I had my kids.  It was the first time I had ever been pregnant and it never happened again.  I didn't have a bit of problem getting pregnant with my girls and the doctors all said that it was pretty common.  So hopefully everything goes ok with their talk with the dr.  If so, my husband and I will be flying out to L.A. in 2 weeks for the match meeting.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Intuition

Turns out my intuition was right about the last couple.  Part of my issue with them was communication.  We hardly ever talked and we just weren't clicking.  I think the language barrier may have played a part in that also b/c English wasn't her first language and her "husband" didn't speak english.  Plus, I didn't find out until after I agreed to work with them, that they aren't married.  I was talking to M, in an e-mail, just asking her some stuff about herself and R, trying to get to know them better, and I asked her when they got married and she didn't respond.  I didn't really think too much about it but then when I went back and look at the information page with their names and everything on it, their last names aren't the same.  Just felt like she was being dishonest way too early in the relationship.  I am so glad I am not working with them anymore.  After GG talked to them and told them that we weren't going to be moving forward they e-mailed me basicly asking me what happened and everything, which I totally expected.  So I sent them the nicest e-mail I could and I felt so bad.  I basicly told her that they are both really nice people but I didn't think we were meant to do a surrogacy together and told her several times how sorry I was.  Well she sent me an e-mail back saying that I was just "playing" them b/c they are desperate to have a baby and that now they have to "start all over" and I just "wasted all this time" for them.  To which I responded...

...  I just believe that everything happens for a reason and we weren't meant to do this together.  And your attitude in that last e-mail just reaffirms my decision to not move forward with you.  I was in no way "playing" you and never intended to hurt you or R and I am very sorry if I have.  And I didn't feel like a lot of time had been wasted.  We had only been matched like a month and hadn't even started contracts or anything.  Yeah, you and R had been going to the embassy to see if he would be able to come to the U.S. but yall needed to do that anyways.  With my last IPs we were done with the contracts in a month and we still hadn't even started them with yall.  That's why I went ahead and decided against moving forward with you now rather than later b/c we hadn't actually started anything so I didn't feel like any time had been wasted.  I could see you saying that if we had already finished contracts and legal paperwork but we hadn't.

 

I am so very sorry and wish you the best of luck on your journey.

 
Didn't hear anything back from her after that.  I'm sure it's a good thing.

I have found a new set of IFs that I like.  GG sent them my profile on Thursday of last week and I am just waiting to hear back from GG about whether they liked my profile or not.  I've got my fingers crossed that this is IT.  I'm hoping third times a charm b/c I am ready to get started and make some babies!  :)

Looking for IPs again :(

I told GG yesterday that I didn't feel comfortable moving forward with this couple.  They seemed ok with it and said that they are going to start sending me some more profiles.  The people at GG have been very nice through out this process, even with me being a bit of a pain and deciding not to work with my IPs.

Ok, maybe I was a little naive to think that working with an international couple would be the same as working with a couple in the U.S.  From my experience now, I've found out it's not.  I think I am going to stick with couples in the U.S.  We just didn't really click.  There was no connection at all and I think a lot of it had to do with the culture difference and the age difference and communication issues.  I went back and forth a lot trying to convince myself to do it but I just couldn't.  I guess it's better to end it now than later in the process b/c we hadn't signed any contracts or anything yet.

Well, hopefully third time's a charm and this will be the last set of IPs I have to go through.  Keep your fingers crossed for me and wish me luck as I try to find THE ONE.  Apparently I need all the help I can get...lol.

New IPs

I think we may have found a new set of IPs.  It's funny b/c whenever I used to think about doing a surrogacy and how it would go and the type of couple I would choose I always thought I would get a couple that lived near me but come to find out that doesn't normally happen, atleast when you go through an agency.  I also always pictured myself doing a surrogacy for a straight couple in their 20s or 30s.  Going into this I didn't think I wanted to do a surrogacy for a gay couple then I saw A and S's profile and that changed immediately.  It's like when you see that person's profile you are like "That's it, that's the one."  It's like you are drawn to them for reasons you may not even know.  Now when I was looking for another profile I was ok with doing a surrogacy for a gay couple but I just didn't want anyone too old or anyone overseas.  And low and behold who did I choose, an older couple that live overseas.  It's really strange how things work out and how you are just drawn to certain people.  I guess everything happens for a reason and no matter what kind of preconception I may have about this process everything will work out the way it was meant to.

The Talk

So I talked to A tonight.  He wrote me a very long and very nice letter and I found out what was going on.  Turns out he is having second thoughts about having kids.  For a long time growing up he never thought he wanted kids.  But last year he made a conscious effort to work through those feelings.  His thought was that S wanted to have kids and he wanted to be with S so he should try to change his attitude about all this.  And it was working, he started to really think he wanted to have kids and started imagining their life together with kids.  He just kept telling himself to take the next step - to meet with GG, to meet with me, to sign the next document, to write the next check.  His plan was to just move forward, one step at a time, and one day find himself an expectant father.  And then a father.  In retrospect, it was ridiculous of him to think that would work.  And he finally realized that he may be doing this giant life-changing thing for everyone but himself.  Maybe he will want this some day - maybe even some day soon - but he doesn't want to go into it unless he knows for sure.  I am completely 100% behind him and have no hard feelings.  They are great guys and I don't regret one minute of the past few months.  I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  I just hate that I never got to meet their wonderful family.

Devastated :(

I got word today from my coordinator that the guys won't be able to move forward.  I don't know what happened and I am very disappointed to have to start over this far into the process.  We were supposed to transfer 4 weeks from today.  I don't know...I don't even know what to say.  I am glad it happened now instead of later into the process or after I was pregnant.  The guys are great and I hate that I won't be able to work with them anymore but I don't have any hard feelings towards them.  They have to do what is right for them and I'm sure they have their reasons for not moving forward.  Hopefully I will get to talk to them soon and find out what happened.